Why?

 She asked,"why me?"
as I left her room
How could I answer that?
What could I say?
You are special?
You are unique?
God has a plan?
These are just words.
They are meaningless.
They are so vague.
They don't take away pain,
they don't keep you living.
I wish I knew.
I wish there was a reason.
To smother a smile,
to lose a hug,
to forget her laugh,
for those dreams to vanish.
The poking,the prodding,
the worrying,the unknown,
the surgeries,the waiting,
the hope,the dissapointment,
the anguish,the everflowing tears,
the hugs that never stop,
the questions...
the question...
"Why me?"
It's so difficult,
coming from a child,
no hair,dark eyes
those beautiful green eyes,
an angel's smile.
She wanted just one more trick,
I tried to make it last.
She laughed at my unfunny jokes,
She just wanted to smile,
and it lit up the room.
Everything happens,
happens for a reason.
That's so hard to believe,
I just can't believe that.
I think maybe...
things just happen.
Doesn't matter if you are young
or old or good or bad.
It just doesn't matter.
It's just there...unbiased
Cancer isn't a disease
It's a widespread virus
Attacking everyone,
Mothers,fathers,
brothers,sisters,
friends,neighbors
and me.
Me...does that sound selfish?
I guess it is...a little.
But I hurt too.
She's gone now
to a better place.
A piece of me died with her,
a piece of her lives with me,
maybe it will keep her laughing,
I know it makes me smile
that's the best I have.
It never stops,
It never gets any easier.
Trying to make sense of it all
She's just gone.
The tears still burn.
My heart still heavy
It still echoes...
"why me"?
I just hugged her and said
"I'm sorry,I don't know".
and walked out of the room
I wish I knew,
but I'll never know
and I'll never forget.





Simple



As a child
I was simple,
playing football,
eating ice cream,
exploring new places,
making new friends,
smelling honeysuckles,
walking barefoot,
seeing clouds...
as wonderful things...
animals,rockets,faces,
creating new games...
winning,losing.
I was invincible.
I was unbreakable.
I was naive.
naive...
is that a bad word?
It seems like naive
is what we strive to be,
trusting and secure
I'm older now,
not so naive,
not so trusting,
or secure.
I am breakable.
I am vulnerable.
Realizing these things,
I can see clearly now.
I can see the clouds.
I can see wonderful things.
I smell the flowers.
I hear the music,
and why it was written.
I explore new places
I appreciate more.
I believe again.
I am simple once more...
because of you.
I thank you.




Little Things


Little things
 a glance over her shoulder
 a quivering lip
 a hug,just because
 a text to say hi
 calling,just thinking of you
 a card,a poem
 a subtle wink
 saying thank you,
 when you know
 nothings too big for you
 that perfect smile
 brushing of hands
 waving me over
 just to talk
 knowing you'll be there...
 always and forever
 no matter how hard it is
 listening,when I want to babble
 laughing,at goofy jokes
 that sparkle of starlight
 rolling out your eyes
 how I light up
 just being around you
 wanting the best for me
 wanting the best for you
 I know it sounds silly
 But the biggest things
 are little things






For my Daughter...



 For the first time
 She came into this world
 She learned how to cry
 She looked at me
 She stole my heart
 for the first time
 She laughed,she ate
 she slept in my arms
 She got sick,she got well
 She took a nap
 for the first time.
 I watched her crawl
 I watched her walk
 I watched fall
 I helped her ride a bike
 for the first time
 I saw her dress up
 I saw her play
 She got mad
 She gave me a hug
 for the first time
 She went to school
 She rode the bus
 she said she was scared
 She counted money
 for the first time
 I dissapointed her
 I fell short,I fell down
 She saw I was human
 She saw the real me
 for the first time
 She went to dances
 She put on makeup
 She met a boy
 She was growing up
 for the first time
 I watched her grow
 I watched her cry
 I held her hand
 Not nearly enough
 for the first time
 She is my daughter,
 of whom I am proud
 I love her dearly
 I love her out loud
 for the first time...
 ...when she came into this world



My Mirror


 I look in the mirror
 after 43 years
 what am I?
 I'm getting older
 Wearing glasses,
 added a few pounds...
 alot actually.
 I'm not in good shape,
 this mirror is evil
 I curse it every morning
 I see myself,
 but it's not me.
 I'm still 17
 full of life,
 inexhaustable energy,
 not brain one in my head.
 But I know better.
 Am I a good man?
 I'm slower,
 my knees hurt,
 my back stays sore,
 my left hand...
 it doesn't work right.
 I ask myself,
 am I a good man?
 Am I as good
 as my Grandfather?
 Do I make him proud?
 Do I make anyone proud?
 Pride is a funny word.
 It should have tons of ego in it.
 If it matters,
 I am proud of myself.
 After all,I make children laugh.
 I take some away from nightmares
 But that was not always true
 I was younger
 as were my kids
 But I didn't pay attention
 like a good dad would
 I worked for them
 everyday of the week.
 Why couldn't I take the time...
 to make them feel special?
 I cry alot thinking about that.
 I try to put others first,
 I try to do what's right.
 It's so hard
 to be a good man.
 I have only one
 I can idolize
 He doesn't walk here
 only in spirit
 He's left his mark
 on many good men
 My Grandad,My brother,My Dad
 I have so much to live up to.
 I look in the mirror
 I'm older,but a little wiser
 I wear glasses
 but can still see
 and they are not that bad
 I've added a few pounds
 so I'm eating pretty good
 Maybe...
 just maybe...
 this mirror isn't cursed
 could be a blessing?
 And just maybe
 I am a good man.



A stranger in the rain

she was walking in the rain
just a stranger...
Her head hanging
Her hair was wet
Makeup smeared
walking slowly,aimlessly
stopping every so often
her hand touching a tree
Hugging herself
kicking rocks here and there
shivering and cold
wet and dishevelled
what was she thinking?
What had she gone through?
She seems so sad
so alone,so empty
Were those tears?
Were those just raindrops?
I could almost see
broken pieces of heart
by that open stretch of water
So much is hard
So much is easy
Easy to conceal
In the darkness
In the rain...alone
so many things...
a boyfriend?a death?
maybe just a bad day?
Was it just life?
She slowly drifted away
Away into the darkness
I'll never know why,only...
she was walking in the rain













 

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